TBI Army Wife

When my loved one has a Traumatic Brain Injury. How to better support him/her without forgetting who I am? The person with TBI may be vulnerable, so try to assist in the decision-making process without erring in continually making decisions for your loved one. This will help in keeping a sense of independence and autonomy. Confusion, forgetfulness, and even lack of motivation may be factors that influence the degree this person engages with other people and activities. Don’t blame them, but try to use strategies to better engage this person in a safe and healthy environment. Don’t blame ALL circumstances to the TBI. TBI is NOT responsible for every little behavior. Personal responsibility and accountability are very important and it may be applied to a person with a TBI in a case by case basis. Individuals with a TBI have goals, dreams and hopes. Engaging in positive discussions of how to achieve these goals is important, keeping in mind that your availability as a caregiver needs...

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) has been defined as a signature wound of war. What many people don’t realize is that TBI is a leading cause of injury-related death and disability in the United States. In 2010, as many as 2.5 million people sustained a TBI resulting in emergency department (ED) visits, hospitalizations, or deaths 1. TBI doesn’t discriminate by age, race, sex, ethnicity or education. It can happen to anyone. Some groups may be at a higher risk of sustaining a TBI. That is the main reason why, when we discuss this topic, we tend to think of the military and veterans. National data doesn’t include the approximate 357K TBIs reported among service members and veterans. This number sounds alarming, but even more alarming is the coexistence or comorbidities of other conditions resulting from the exposure to war, like posttraumatic stress (PTS) and chronic pain. Without proper rehabilitation, this cluster of conditions make it even worse for the person to perform well in thei...

Last Friday we celebrated Veterans Day and soon we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. On Veterans Day I took Victor to dinner and we had a wonderful day. I thanked him for ALL he has done specially all his sacrifices. I feel Victor sacrificed his health for the Freedom of this Great Nation and I love when he tells me, he will do it all over again in a heart bit. Sometimes, things that we take for granted are taken from us. I am glad I never took my husband for granted because I always ppreciated all he was and now all he is. Veterans day for me it is everyday. The appreciation I have for all their sacrifice is always there. I am grateful for a Nation that values and recognizes their veterans. We, the spouses of military play a vital role in their performance and their well being. We, the spouses are what I call the backbone of the family, because we keep it all together while they are gone; so I am also thankful for all those military spouses that chose the sacrifice of living a life ...

Hi Friends, I apologize, it has been too long since I updated the blog. Many great things happening in our lives. In the past months Victor and I have been involved more than any other time with higher leadership in the military talking about our experiences as a wounded family. We were invited by the Vice Chief of Staff of the Army, GEN Chiarelli to speak at a symposium he and his staff coordinated. Who would have thought that Victor and I will have the opportunity to speak with the Vice? When we met GEN Chiarelli and having the opportunity to talk with him, I realized how much of an advocate for brain injuries he is. He is committed and changing the policy in the army in how TBIs are diagnosed and treated. GEN Chiarelli is definitely working hard on these initiatives and he definitely needs the support of policy makers and others in the military. Two years and 3 months ago when Victor was wounded I never thought our lives were going to change forever in this way. We have become a...

In the past couple of weeks I have been ask several times, How am I doing and how I keep up with so much? I honestly don't know how to answer that question but yes my life is pretty busy. I tried to maintain a good spirit, always a smile in my face and rather look for positive things in my life. It saddens me so much when I see spouses that are in the first stages of having a loved one with traumatic brain injury (TBI). I tried to support them and go back in time and place myself in their shoes but it is never easy to say "It will get better". "It will get better" is a phrase that Victor always told me and at times in a tone like he wanted to convinced me about it. At times I was so frustrated that I said to myself, "yes it will get better for him but what about me?" How did I find happiness in the midst of all the situation? Now 2 years later I look back and I can say things are definitely better. Today Victor and I have found new hobbies, we bond inc...

It has been quite some time since I last wrote to you. It has been a very busy and hectic past months. Victor and I are working on some projects that will change the policy for the treatment of TBI. In the past couple of years we had our ups and downs and our life changed drastically, but we are perseverant, we do not give up easily. Victor and I just celebrated our 11th Anniversary and we went to our favorite spot on Earth, Disney World. We celebrated our Honeymoon as well as every anniversary Victor was home in Disney. It was a time of reflection and fun at the same time. We enjoyed so much, just like the old times. We realized that this new normal did not stop nor affected how we will share and how we were going to enjoy our life. We always had great conversations and we still have them, just about different topics. We now strive to make a better world for those with traumatic brain injury and their families, but since we cannot talk to each person and family with TBI, we decided to...

Today my sister sent me a link with the interview Anderson Cooper made to the families that survived the Oil Spill. I identified so much with these wives. Once thing I heard many times is "This is not the same man I married, he is different". I felt they heard me talk in the past but it is just that we all go through the same experience. God knows how many times I have said to myself "Where is my husband?", how some days I miss so much my old Victor. I fear many times forgetting how he was, his voice, his gestures, the way he laughted... At the same time it feels selfish because he is here and so many Soldiers have lost their life or are severely disabled, but I feel I also lost my husband and it feels wrong. Despite all these feelings I do not regret living the life I have now, because I have been meeting an making new wonderful friends. It is a new world of experiences and anecdotes. Now I can see the power of love and the power of a marriage based in true friends...

In the past two weeks my husband and I have been in Bethesda MD at the National Intrepid Center of Excellence (NICoE). My husband was referred for further evaluation for his traumatic brain injury (TBI). It has been an amazing experience that I will be writing about in my next posts. I wanted to stop by and let everyone know that we are doing great, we are enjoying of some EXCELLENT treatment and we will share our amazing experience. This is a time that has been bringing Hope to us. Please continue to raise your voice and never give up because every day it is a new one, so are you ready to see the Sun shine one more time? With Love!

Today I rejoice in so many blessings in my life. On June 29, 2009 my life turned 180degrees and redirected my path to a new direction, one that I never expected to live. My husband sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and what happened afterwards is a long story. At first it was like having my heart ripped apart and I asked myself "Who is this new man I am sharing my life with?" As life started to take a new meaning and new direction, it was like been in the center of a tornado, many thoughts, frustration, sadness, sorrow and dissapointments in many areas revolving around us. I remembered seeing my husband so sad, frustrated and feeling worthless. He would say to me "Now, what I am going to do? I am no longer good at anything". My heart would again just break but I wanted him to feel empowered and started asking him, What skills are intact and what would you like to do? Victor and I have a strong and beautiful support system. One of our great supporters who I ...

It has been a while since I last wrote. My life is just so busy that sometimes is difficult to keep up with everything. I have no excuses, I should not abandon my blog :) right? The intention of this Part I is to decsribe the first phase of the Medical Board. The first phase is done at the medical facility where the Soldier is stationed and receives the medical care. In couple of months I will also write about how to review the packet, who you should involve and what are the potential events that you may encounter. My husband is going through a medboard (military medical retirement) and even when things are smoothly coming along, it is hectic with medical appointments and tracking all the things that comes with it. We mainatin ALL the documentation, make copies, ask for copies and oh well, it is so much documentation. There are always obstacles on the road but fortunately, for now, things are going well. Like I mentioned before, the medboard process is a separation so like any sudden, ...

Injuries caused by Improvise explosive devices (IED) are not only external but also internal. Other than the brain injury my husband developed it is like fibromyalgia and he is always hurting. His joints hurt, all of them. We went to the Rheumatologist who referred my husband to physical therapy specialized in musculoskeletal pain. We went today and there is no more satisfaction that encountering a provider that cares and listens. Well, after all the discussion of what has been done for my husband's condition he recommended water therapy. Water therapy will be in a pool that contains underwater tread mills so he has to walk for 45 minutes twice a week. The best part is that I will be able to be with him during the therapy, so we will be going for a "walk in the water". We will chat and exercise together at the same time, just like the old days. I will let you know in a later posting how it goes. For morebinfomation go to: http://www.spine-health.com/wellness/exercise/wate...

Dear Caregivers, Has your spouse being diagnosed with TBI? If so, does your spouse suffers from PTSD? How do you know what is what? This could hold the clue and key to treatment and will determine the healing process. Is TBI treatable? the answer is YES, Is PTSD treatable? the answer is YES, is the treatment the same? Most of the time NO. Why? Because some impairments are due to the brain capacity to perfomed optimally. My husband has brain injury as the result of an explosion and Iraq. Often providers attribute all the symptoms in soldiers to PTSD when in fact they can be the result of the TBI and yes TBI and PTSD ARE NOT THE SAME. PTSD and TBI share some characteristics but ARE NOT the same. Don't be shy and ask questions to providers, this is your right as a patient or a spouse or family caring for a TBI patient. So the big question is "Why are we treating TBI as PTSD?" The answer can be described with a very sophisticated financial calculation. My husband is getting n...

Today was a beautiful day in El Paso, TX. The Sun was shining and a blue sky make my eyes appreciate how spectacular is to live day by day. I do not worry about tomorrow, the enjoy the blessings of today. Life after a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) can be challenging not only for the patient but for the family. My husband sustained a TBI and I also suffered the consequences that comes with it. That may be just me but I don't believe so, the more I hear spouses the more I realize that this injury although unknown by many, it is well lived by others. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) the incidence of brain injury is approximately 1.7 million a year (http://www.cdc.gov/TraumaticBrainInjury/). That means that every day 46,575 people sustained a TBI. This statistic excludes TBI in Soldiers, so the incidence is even higher. The short and long term consequences of a TBI are(http://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/outcomes.html): •Thinking (i.e., memory and rea...

Today I received a beautiful e-mail from my sister. What she doesn't know is that she answered so many questions I had, like, "Did I ever do enought to be a role model or a good big sister?" Little she knows that her e-mail just made my day and more than that, she made shine a big smile that will never fade away. Please meet my loving "little" sister Melissa, my best friend, my confident and the one who knows me better than anyone else, because we laught, we cried and we shared the best memories of my first 23 years of life. She is a great love in my life! Now unfortunately we live so far away. Melissa said, A couple of days ago, you wrote in your blog having a knot in your throat when you woke up from a dream with Victor as he was in the past. That you felt ashamed for just dreaming that, even if you have no control over your dreams. I guess most of the spouses in your position dream about it once in a while, which doesn’t make you a bad person, just human. Sin...

Today I woke up with a big knot in my throat, a sharp pain in my heart and the relief of knowing that everything will be okay. Last night was one of those days that I dreamed with how my husband was. We were talking and he sounded so clear, so like he was, he was so different (active, outgoing and very secured of himself). Yes, I still remember those days and I feel so guilty I dreamed about it and I wish so badly we can have our lives back. Today is one oif those days that I would love to have a time machine and go back in time and spend there even if it's 10 minutes, the times that we used to laugh without thinking about the future, that we could be all day long somewhere traveling and having fun without the exhaustion. I know, it sounds horribly selfish and for that I feel so much guilt. Sometimes I feel scared I will forget how his voice sounded and his gestures when he talked to me. The days like today I go back as early as our wedding day and try to recall every moment we sh...

The other day (Friday) my husband gave me gift, an improvissed gift. It was a nice surprise since he used to do that all the time before the injury. He used to come home with gifts and nice details even if we were not celebrating anything. In celebrations he always make sure he made it very special and that never changed, but the sporadically gifting did. Not that now he is not caring but I guess his mind is in so many other things and he does not go shopping by himself which he usually did in past. Anyway, he gave me a beautiful card that reads as follows: “Ask me about my day and I’ll tell you… I spent it being grateful for your tenderness, thanksful for your soft caress- Ask me and I’ll tell you…. That I whispered a little thank you in my heart because you are beautiful on the inside, too… so sweet, so sensitive. You care about me, laugh with me, and believe in me, sometimes more than I do myself. Aks me about my life and I’ll tell you…. That it’s changed, I’ve changed –all because...

Stress is something that happens to so many people because of their responsibilities as employees, parents and so many other duties in life. I see many people that under stress they loose their balance and even sometimes I see a personality that is so different than when they are in their comfort zone. I think about this all the time because that is not healthy. Stress does not have to be unhealthy but the question is " How are we coping?". Being a caregiver stress can be compounded and multiplied by even little things. For example, Do you have an idea of how many times I have to remind my husband to do something before he actually moves and do it? The motivation and initiative to accomplish tasks was severely affected in my husband. Sometimes I have to repeat everyday, texted and invent new ways to make him aware. This "little" thing adds stress to my life because before I did not have to be chasing him to do things, I did not even have to pay attention to any of h...

Dear Friends, Sorry I was out of town very busy with work but here I am back. A new friend in my life, a wife of a wounded soldier (www.wifeofawoundedsoldier.blogspot.com) asked me to write about survival. She is an amazing military wife, caregiver and devoted to improve the health of spouses and caregivers. In the last couple of years reading the newspapers I kept seeing how it is emphasized how the military have been improving their armor and tactics. The goal behind this is that better armor, less combat casualties. Too many Soldiers were dying after the exposure to improvised explosive devices (IEDs). One article that was shocking for me was the one published last year "Military used pigs in blasts to test armor". http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2009-04-06-pigs_N.htm In this article one sentence that really captured my attention was the following: "If use of animal subjects in testing results in our ability to save lives or prevent injury to our troops, we'...

Sometimes when I reflect in the past I can see a different picture of what it is our life today. Our life was one full of responsibilities and personal challenges. My husband a proud US Army Soldier always in military training and in missions and I was a full time clinical researcher trying to advance science through new discoveries. Today I am still who I was but with a new purpose, new journey and new mission. I am going to school full time to complete a doctoral program, I am still working full time, I am now 100% conscious of what it is my husband doing and I am (next to my husband) supporting the efforts to redefine what Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is for the military. When I reflect on the past I see a normal couple just enjoying life with goals and dreams, today I still see that happy couple with a set of goals and dreams that require so much commitment and drive. We are driven by the suffering of so many and because we have experimented what it is to see TBI knock on the doors...

Hi friends I hope you had a great week. I am again on my way home from business travel. It was a very productive week and I shared with a wonderful team of colleagues. How many times we have heard the news and politicians talk about traumatic brain injury (TBI), the signature injury of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? How many times have we heard TBI referred as a psychological wound? How much Soldiers and Family Members know about this signature injury? We have heard TBI in many forums and many times being referred as an invisible wound. Invisible? I constantly ask myself. Yes, maybe because it is a close head injury most of the time or because there are no scars to reflect the injury. TBI may not be seen, but like the air cannot be seen but creates the wind, that same way a close head TBI cannot be seen but can be felt in so many ways. As a wife of a TBI Soldier I can assure you that this invisible wound has been felt in so many ways in our life. Many times I have expressed how di...