TBI Army Wife

I was asked to write about marriage and intimacy. What a topic of so much divergence and complicated to the human nature. When I see marriages that survived WWII, Korea and Vietnam I can’t avoid thinking “wow, how they made that happened”, but the more I speak with more experienced couples the more I see a common theme among them, values and commitment. I remember seeing my grandparents’ growing old and still saying “I love you” like it was part of their daily language. “What have we forgotten or when did we disconnect?” “There is no intimacy, there is no marriage”. These question and statement are so common and have been brought to my attention by spouses of wounded warriors. One afternoon I am sitting at home and I am reflecting in all the comments that I have heard and the pain and sorrow that these situations bring to these spouses. Are you the spouse of a wounded warrior? Life is not over, like my husband will say, “It is a new beginning”. The problem is that sometimes we are y...

Today my sister sent me a link with the interview Anderson Cooper made to the families that survived the Oil Spill. I identified so much with these wives. Once thing I heard many times is "This is not the same man I married, he is different". I felt they heard me talk in the past but it is just that we all go through the same experience. God knows how many times I have said to myself "Where is my husband?", how some days I miss so much my old Victor. I fear many times forgetting how he was, his voice, his gestures, the way he laughted... At the same time it feels selfish because he is here and so many Soldiers have lost their life or are severely disabled, but I feel I also lost my husband and it feels wrong. Despite all these feelings I do not regret living the life I have now, because I have been meeting an making new wonderful friends. It is a new world of experiences and anecdotes. Now I can see the power of love and the power of a marriage based in true friends...

Today I rejoice in so many blessings in my life. On June 29, 2009 my life turned 180degrees and redirected my path to a new direction, one that I never expected to live. My husband sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and what happened afterwards is a long story. At first it was like having my heart ripped apart and I asked myself "Who is this new man I am sharing my life with?" As life started to take a new meaning and new direction, it was like been in the center of a tornado, many thoughts, frustration, sadness, sorrow and dissapointments in many areas revolving around us. I remembered seeing my husband so sad, frustrated and feeling worthless. He would say to me "Now, what I am going to do? I am no longer good at anything". My heart would again just break but I wanted him to feel empowered and started asking him, What skills are intact and what would you like to do? Victor and I have a strong and beautiful support system. One of our great supporters who I ...

Happy New Year to all my friends. The beginning of a new year is most of the time the beginning of new goals that we expect to fulfill. It is common to set goals based on lived experiences so this year one of my goals is to never give up hope. Hope is the key ingredient to expect what your heart desires. My hope is that I can have happinnes, love, patience, wisdom and all those characteristics that will help me succeed in whatever should come to my life. When I think of the year 2010 it makes me wonder where did it go, it went so fast, it was so hectic, so accelerated that I barely had time to enjoy myself like I used to. This year I will try to do meaningful things that will deliver postive outcomes and that will make me happy. Things that will be new experiences during this year will be my husband’s medical retirement. I know many unexpected situations and new adjustments will come with this new change in our lives. This first quarter of the year I want to write about the medical ...

Dear Friends, I hope you had a wonderful week full of good experiences. In 2002 when my husband joined the army as an active duty soldier I was so proud and I am still very proud to call myself an army wife. The military prepares and trains very hard to accomplish their mission and that is one of the reasons they are the best military system in the World. We, the spouse and family members play an important role in the life of soldiers. Broken and unhappy families will not contribute positively to the life of the service member. After my husband's injury, my role was not only as a wife but also I was the cheerleader in his time of sadness and sorrow, his shoulder to lean on when he was falling down, his good listener and his best friend. Despite my own sorrow, pain and frustration, I did it ALL because of Love and Duty. I love my husband dearly and I was ready to fulfill the commitment as a wife and more specially as an army wife. My husband's heart is to return to duty and tha...

Dear Friends, Sorry I was out of town very busy with work but here I am back. A new friend in my life, a wife of a wounded soldier (www.wifeofawoundedsoldier.blogspot.com) asked me to write about survival. She is an amazing military wife, caregiver and devoted to improve the health of spouses and caregivers. In the last couple of years reading the newspapers I kept seeing how it is emphasized how the military have been improving their armor and tactics. The goal behind this is that better armor, less combat casualties. Too many Soldiers were dying after the exposure to improvised explosive devices (IEDs). One article that was shocking for me was the one published last year "Military used pigs in blasts to test armor". http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2009-04-06-pigs_N.htm In this article one sentence that really captured my attention was the following: "If use of animal subjects in testing results in our ability to save lives or prevent injury to our troops, we'...

Sometimes when I reflect in the past I can see a different picture of what it is our life today. Our life was one full of responsibilities and personal challenges. My husband a proud US Army Soldier always in military training and in missions and I was a full time clinical researcher trying to advance science through new discoveries. Today I am still who I was but with a new purpose, new journey and new mission. I am going to school full time to complete a doctoral program, I am still working full time, I am now 100% conscious of what it is my husband doing and I am (next to my husband) supporting the efforts to redefine what Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is for the military. When I reflect on the past I see a normal couple just enjoying life with goals and dreams, today I still see that happy couple with a set of goals and dreams that require so much commitment and drive. We are driven by the suffering of so many and because we have experimented what it is to see TBI knock on the doors...

Hi friends I hope you had a great week. I am again on my way home from business travel. It was a very productive week and I shared with a wonderful team of colleagues. How many times we have heard the news and politicians talk about traumatic brain injury (TBI), the signature injury of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq? How many times have we heard TBI referred as a psychological wound? How much Soldiers and Family Members know about this signature injury? We have heard TBI in many forums and many times being referred as an invisible wound. Invisible? I constantly ask myself. Yes, maybe because it is a close head injury most of the time or because there are no scars to reflect the injury. TBI may not be seen, but like the air cannot be seen but creates the wind, that same way a close head TBI cannot be seen but can be felt in so many ways. As a wife of a TBI Soldier I can assure you that this invisible wound has been felt in so many ways in our life. Many times I have expressed how di...

“Somewhere in Time”, I watch this movie for the first time when I was 5 years old, my sister and I watched it approximately 25 times. I do not know what it was but I always found the end so romantic. When I married my husband I promised to loved him and care for him in health and sickness, no matter if we were poor or wealthy. Hmmmm! Those vows are serious and people are not paying too much attention to what they are commiting. I guess in today’s society divorce is an easy option if the marriage does not work according to plans. Everyday we are moving to the comfort zone of “If I do not have it perfect I just quit”. Please do not take this introduction in a wrong way, as much as I do not like divorces I am not against it. I do not believe in suffering a relationship that does not work or abuses, etc. Those who know me know that I am feminist, mostly described by the equality of genders beleiving that women should get as far as she wants without subjecting herself or family to unhappin...