TBI Army Wife

  In 2009 when my sweet husband Victor was medevac’d from Iraq I anticipated a challenging road, but what I didn't envisioned was how much grace it will bring to our lives in this very successful healing journey. The set of expectations, demands and responsibilities sometimes felt too much to bear.  The amount of commitment, love and acceptance for my husband and myself as we walked this path defined the healing in this home. Walking the path of this unexpected journey were met by a number of disappointments, but nothing compares to the joy of small victories and triumphs along the way. While walking this new unsolicited path, and experiencing a "life detour", some things are important to be identified and never taken for granted: 1.     New relationships: perhaps noticing those family members you encounter in the hospital or rehabilitation center waiting room or in the hallway. They may become your new extended family, the ones you can count on. 2.  ...

When my loved one has a Traumatic Brain Injury. How to better support him/her without forgetting who I am? The person with TBI may be vulnerable, so try to assist in the decision-making process without erring in continually making decisions for your loved one. This will help in keeping a sense of independence and autonomy. Confusion, forgetfulness, and even lack of motivation may be factors that influence the degree this person engages with other people and activities. Don’t blame them, but try to use strategies to better engage this person in a safe and healthy environment. Don’t blame ALL circumstances to the TBI. TBI is NOT responsible for every little behavior. Personal responsibility and accountability are very important and it may be applied to a person with a TBI in a case by case basis. Individuals with a TBI have goals, dreams and hopes. Engaging in positive discussions of how to achieve these goals is important, keeping in mind that your availability as a caregiver needs...

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) has been defined as a signature wound of war. What many people don’t realize is that TBI is a leading cause of injury-related death and disability in the United States. In 2010, as many as 2.5 million people sustained a TBI resulting in emergency department (ED) visits, hospitalizations, or deaths 1. TBI doesn’t discriminate by age, race, sex, ethnicity or education. It can happen to anyone. Some groups may be at a higher risk of sustaining a TBI. That is the main reason why, when we discuss this topic, we tend to think of the military and veterans. National data doesn’t include the approximate 357K TBIs reported among service members and veterans. This number sounds alarming, but even more alarming is the coexistence or comorbidities of other conditions resulting from the exposure to war, like posttraumatic stress (PTS) and chronic pain. Without proper rehabilitation, this cluster of conditions make it even worse for the person to perform well in thei...

In the past couple of weeks I have been ask several times, How am I doing and how I keep up with so much? I honestly don't know how to answer that question but yes my life is pretty busy. I tried to maintain a good spirit, always a smile in my face and rather look for positive things in my life. It saddens me so much when I see spouses that are in the first stages of having a loved one with traumatic brain injury (TBI). I tried to support them and go back in time and place myself in their shoes but it is never easy to say "It will get better". "It will get better" is a phrase that Victor always told me and at times in a tone like he wanted to convinced me about it. At times I was so frustrated that I said to myself, "yes it will get better for him but what about me?" How did I find happiness in the midst of all the situation? Now 2 years later I look back and I can say things are definitely better. Today Victor and I have found new hobbies, we bond inc...

It has been quite some time since I last wrote to you. It has been a very busy and hectic past months. Victor and I are working on some projects that will change the policy for the treatment of TBI. In the past couple of years we had our ups and downs and our life changed drastically, but we are perseverant, we do not give up easily. Victor and I just celebrated our 11th Anniversary and we went to our favorite spot on Earth, Disney World. We celebrated our Honeymoon as well as every anniversary Victor was home in Disney. It was a time of reflection and fun at the same time. We enjoyed so much, just like the old times. We realized that this new normal did not stop nor affected how we will share and how we were going to enjoy our life. We always had great conversations and we still have them, just about different topics. We now strive to make a better world for those with traumatic brain injury and their families, but since we cannot talk to each person and family with TBI, we decided to...

It has been a while since I last wrote. My life is just so busy that sometimes is difficult to keep up with everything. I have no excuses, I should not abandon my blog :) right? The intention of this Part I is to decsribe the first phase of the Medical Board. The first phase is done at the medical facility where the Soldier is stationed and receives the medical care. In couple of months I will also write about how to review the packet, who you should involve and what are the potential events that you may encounter. My husband is going through a medboard (military medical retirement) and even when things are smoothly coming along, it is hectic with medical appointments and tracking all the things that comes with it. We mainatin ALL the documentation, make copies, ask for copies and oh well, it is so much documentation. There are always obstacles on the road but fortunately, for now, things are going well. Like I mentioned before, the medboard process is a separation so like any sudden, ...

Happy New Year to all my friends. The beginning of a new year is most of the time the beginning of new goals that we expect to fulfill. It is common to set goals based on lived experiences so this year one of my goals is to never give up hope. Hope is the key ingredient to expect what your heart desires. My hope is that I can have happinnes, love, patience, wisdom and all those characteristics that will help me succeed in whatever should come to my life. When I think of the year 2010 it makes me wonder where did it go, it went so fast, it was so hectic, so accelerated that I barely had time to enjoy myself like I used to. This year I will try to do meaningful things that will deliver postive outcomes and that will make me happy. Things that will be new experiences during this year will be my husband’s medical retirement. I know many unexpected situations and new adjustments will come with this new change in our lives. This first quarter of the year I want to write about the medical ...

Today was a beautiful day in El Paso, TX. The Sun was shining and a blue sky make my eyes appreciate how spectacular is to live day by day. I do not worry about tomorrow, the enjoy the blessings of today. Life after a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) can be challenging not only for the patient but for the family. My husband sustained a TBI and I also suffered the consequences that comes with it. That may be just me but I don't believe so, the more I hear spouses the more I realize that this injury although unknown by many, it is well lived by others. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) the incidence of brain injury is approximately 1.7 million a year (http://www.cdc.gov/TraumaticBrainInjury/). That means that every day 46,575 people sustained a TBI. This statistic excludes TBI in Soldiers, so the incidence is even higher. The short and long term consequences of a TBI are(http://www.cdc.gov/traumaticbraininjury/outcomes.html): •Thinking (i.e., memory and rea...

Self-esteem is a key component in traumatic brain injury (TBI) rehabilitation. Self-esteem is utilize mainly in psychology and it is define as the evaluation and appraisal of a person own worth. I remember when my husband sustained the TBI and was sent home on September 2009. He was angry and very frustrated, but all that suddenly changed to be sad and with a sense of worthless. One of the characteristics that distinguished my husband was how independent and sufficient he was, he would spend days in the field or he was deployed or he was just in any given mission the army sent him. He was so proud of his soldiering skills and of his soldiers. Why am I writing about this? There is always a purpose in my blog and that is to show how it was before the injury, immediately after the injury and some later time after the injury. You will notice that things will not always have to be sad. Self-esteem is a very important component, it will determine how motivated the person will be and the chan...

The other day (Friday) my husband gave me gift, an improvissed gift. It was a nice surprise since he used to do that all the time before the injury. He used to come home with gifts and nice details even if we were not celebrating anything. In celebrations he always make sure he made it very special and that never changed, but the sporadically gifting did. Not that now he is not caring but I guess his mind is in so many other things and he does not go shopping by himself which he usually did in past. Anyway, he gave me a beautiful card that reads as follows: “Ask me about my day and I’ll tell you… I spent it being grateful for your tenderness, thanksful for your soft caress- Ask me and I’ll tell you…. That I whispered a little thank you in my heart because you are beautiful on the inside, too… so sweet, so sensitive. You care about me, laugh with me, and believe in me, sometimes more than I do myself. Aks me about my life and I’ll tell you…. That it’s changed, I’ve changed –all because...

Today the USO sponsored the Wounded Families and Caregivers Conference. The activity was very well prepared and targeted to Wounded Warriors family members and providers. A panel of caregivers along with their Wounded loved ones were invited to help the audience understand the position of the caregivers. We know is not an easy road and one that we never desired to go through. We laugh and then we cry and then we laugh again, it is simply the nature of loving somebody that is injured. Yes! as true as it is we should never focus in what we lost but what we have, not in the past but in how we will transformed our future, not who we were but who we will become. Talking with several the spouses I heard over and over that they were not the same, that they lost their identity and that they had to give up everything they aspired in life. I felt extremely bad because I never gave up my job or my school. Then I thought to myself what a bad caregiver I am, but that is also what I mentioned in the...

Dear Friends, Sorry I was out of town very busy with work but here I am back. A new friend in my life, a wife of a wounded soldier (www.wifeofawoundedsoldier.blogspot.com) asked me to write about survival. She is an amazing military wife, caregiver and devoted to improve the health of spouses and caregivers. In the last couple of years reading the newspapers I kept seeing how it is emphasized how the military have been improving their armor and tactics. The goal behind this is that better armor, less combat casualties. Too many Soldiers were dying after the exposure to improvised explosive devices (IEDs). One article that was shocking for me was the one published last year "Military used pigs in blasts to test armor". http://www.usatoday.com/news/military/2009-04-06-pigs_N.htm In this article one sentence that really captured my attention was the following: "If use of animal subjects in testing results in our ability to save lives or prevent injury to our troops, we'...

Today is my husband's 35th birthday and he is here with me HURRAY!!!! Last year a day like today he was being mobilized to get a CT scan to assess his condition. He spent his birthday alone and my care package never arrived to him because he was in a deifferent location in Iraq and then he was transported to the hospital in Germany. Yes, it was difficult for me to think about it but being a military wife you adapt to many situations, those who are military wives understand what I am talking about :) Today we are celebrating life, one more opportunity to reconsider the important things in life. Those who are in my Facebook and my friends know that I am all about "MEMORIES AND EXPERIENCES". The experiences we can only obtain by living them and then those moments are transformed in memories. Money and position cannot buy these two, so that is why for me is so important to live every minute like it is the last one and make the most out of it. I enjoy my friends and I tryly be...

When my husband and I married on May 29, 2000 I knew we had a lot of things we were going to share. We dated for four and a half years and we were just a 19 and 20 years old couple of students with big aspirations. I always saw how my husband was determined, responsible, kind, intelligent and many more beautiful qualities that made me fall in love with him. One other thing, he was so funny that automatically my parents fell for him too. These 10 years have been wonderful. Why I am telling all these? well as a caregiver sometimes things can be frustrating but I always look back and know that many of the things that frustrates me now are the result of the brain injury. If I need to repeat the same thing 5 times because my husband forgot he already asked me or if as the result of impulsivity he does something I did not think was right, those are the moments I have to remind myself that I am wearing the shoes of a caregiver. Sometimes I meet spouses that say, "I was not expecting this...