TBI Army Wife

It was a bright and warm morning in early May 2009. Many families gathered in an hangar at Fort Bliss, TX, for the farewell of the 1st Armored Division Soldiers getting ready for a new deployment to Iraq. One of these Soldiers was my wonderful and loving husband, at the time staff sergeant (SSG) Victor Medina. Before leaving, he ran to me three times for a last hug and kiss. I will never forget that memory and how it felt.  Some weeks later on May 29th we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. Victor always made me feel so special and important in his life, and this time was no different. It was the fourth time we celebrated our anniversary apart and as always, he didn’t forget and planned ahead to make sure it was special. Little did we know we were a month away from experiencing a life detour, the biggest test of our love and lives, all in a click of a button. On June 29, 2009 during a patrol mission, Victor’s MRAP was hit by an explosive formed projectile, one of the d...

  In 2009 when my sweet husband Victor was medevac’d from Iraq I anticipated a challenging road, but what I didn't envisioned was how much grace it will bring to our lives in this very successful healing journey. The set of expectations, demands and responsibilities sometimes felt too much to bear.  The amount of commitment, love and acceptance for my husband and myself as we walked this path defined the healing in this home. Walking the path of this unexpected journey were met by a number of disappointments, but nothing compares to the joy of small victories and triumphs along the way. While walking this new unsolicited path, and experiencing a "life detour", some things are important to be identified and never taken for granted: 1.     New relationships: perhaps noticing those family members you encounter in the hospital or rehabilitation center waiting room or in the hallway. They may become your new extended family, the ones you can count on. 2.  ...

When my loved one has a Traumatic Brain Injury. How to better support him/her without forgetting who I am? The person with TBI may be vulnerable, so try to assist in the decision-making process without erring in continually making decisions for your loved one. This will help in keeping a sense of independence and autonomy. Confusion, forgetfulness, and even lack of motivation may be factors that influence the degree this person engages with other people and activities. Don’t blame them, but try to use strategies to better engage this person in a safe and healthy environment. Don’t blame ALL circumstances to the TBI. TBI is NOT responsible for every little behavior. Personal responsibility and accountability are very important and it may be applied to a person with a TBI in a case by case basis. Individuals with a TBI have goals, dreams and hopes. Engaging in positive discussions of how to achieve these goals is important, keeping in mind that your availability as a caregiver needs...

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) has been defined as a signature wound of war. What many people don’t realize is that TBI is a leading cause of injury-related death and disability in the United States. In 2010, as many as 2.5 million people sustained a TBI resulting in emergency department (ED) visits, hospitalizations, or deaths 1. TBI doesn’t discriminate by age, race, sex, ethnicity or education. It can happen to anyone. Some groups may be at a higher risk of sustaining a TBI. That is the main reason why, when we discuss this topic, we tend to think of the military and veterans. National data doesn’t include the approximate 357K TBIs reported among service members and veterans. This number sounds alarming, but even more alarming is the coexistence or comorbidities of other conditions resulting from the exposure to war, like posttraumatic stress (PTS) and chronic pain. Without proper rehabilitation, this cluster of conditions make it even worse for the person to perform well in thei...

On May 29, 2009 it was my husband's and my 9th wedding anniversary. Little did I know that a month later, on June 29, 2009 our lives would change. June 29, 2009, I received the call from the Department of teh Army informing me that my husband was wounded. He sustained a traumatic brain injury while on patrol in Iraq. Now, 4 years later I still remember that day so clearly. That day my heart sank, I thought I lost the person I loved and I thought it was the end, but I was mistaken, my dear husband came back to me. My husband returned physically but cognitively he was a different man. He had to learn how to live with impairments he didn't have, and he had to learn how to start a new life: one that has certainly marked our paths forever. During these 4 years we have the priviledge of meeting the most wonderful people we could ever imagined (selfless, compassionate and dedicated), we loved each other more than ever, we have accomplished things that we never envisioned, and most o...

This past weekend I spent three days sharing with families of Wounded Warriors. One have to believe that they are the strongest women on Earth and that is what we hear constantly from people who support military families. As I do some reflection exercise about this weekend, I cannot avoid but to think of the various backgrounds, the variety of flavors in culture, professions, passion and military branches these women represented. Despite this variety there is one thing that really stands out; we are one family, we see pass our differences and we become more similar than ever. God has allowed me to speak to these spouses and the opportunity that Hearts of Valor provided, was difficult to put a value to it, because there is a wealth of experiences lived during this weekend; there is nothing that can pay for such wonderful memories. It is my hope that each of the spouses and mothers that attended the retreat were able to see this event was coordinated with sacrifice, love and commitment f...

Hi friends, I hope that when you read this post you are enjoying life like it should be and undisputedly we all should strive for. Sometimes we let our life conform to the shape of our circumstances. Just imagine if the clay is not well work by the artist, then the vase would never have the intended form.  I always tell people that I live my life to the fullest and I do not let my past or current situations define who I am, but I will learn from the purpose of each one of them. That said, I want you know that my husband is improving significantly, not because his impairments resolved but because everyday he is learning and striving to manage everything in a way that he can fulfill his goals. As a caregiver of a Soldier with traumatic brain injury for the past three and a half years I can say, I have walked in various paths that were unexpected. I wasn't ready, I never envisioned this new life but this new life have brought one of the most meaningful experiences, the opportunity...

For the past couple of years more scientists are studying the benefits of living in the present. As I woke up this morning I thought about all the caregivers that are worrying so much about their future. I have heard things like "But what if he doesn't change", "Will this situation going to be like this forever?" "If he doesn't get the retirement or rating we are expecting, we won't be able to support our family" and many more concerns about the future. All these concerns are legitimate and many times takes part in our dreams, take time from our sleep and it is revolving constantly in our minds. When thinking on all these this morning I couldn't avoid but reflect on it. During my “me” time this morning I thanked God for all the wonderful things in life, because definitely could have been worst. Pretty much we can all relate to knowing someone who is worse than us, but that is not the point. The important thing is recognizing that we all h...

I was asked to write about marriage and intimacy. What a topic of so much divergence and complicated to the human nature. When I see marriages that survived WWII, Korea and Vietnam I can’t avoid thinking “wow, how they made that happened”, but the more I speak with more experienced couples the more I see a common theme among them, values and commitment. I remember seeing my grandparents’ growing old and still saying “I love you” like it was part of their daily language. “What have we forgotten or when did we disconnect?” “There is no intimacy, there is no marriage”. These question and statement are so common and have been brought to my attention by spouses of wounded warriors. One afternoon I am sitting at home and I am reflecting in all the comments that I have heard and the pain and sorrow that these situations bring to these spouses. Are you the spouse of a wounded warrior? Life is not over, like my husband will say, “It is a new beginning”. The problem is that sometimes we are y...

It has been quite some time since I last wrote. There have been many new developments in our lives. Very good news is that our cause to bring awareness has been picking up and more people are looking for ways to help spread the word. I had the opportunity to go to the State of the Union Address last January and needless to say it was an amazing experience, thanks to Congressman Reyes and his wife Carolina, it was like a dream come true. We have also participated of numerous events as well as helping families cope with this new normal in their lives. On February I participated of a weekend retreat for Wounded Warrior Wives (WWW). This organization is helping the WWW community in ways that I cannot finish to describe. One of the many commitments they do is that they take this retreat around the Nation. For more information go to http://www.woundedwarriorwives.org and sign up to become a member (it is free). Anyway, I spent a weekend with other WWW and I realized that each of our cases ...

Wow! The Holidays are over and I still feel it was yesterday when I put up the christmas tree. This new year I have various goals and I will work toward them one by one. I have goals that can be categorize in personal and professional. The professional goals include the completion of my doctoral dissertation (which I am just starting) and to continue to succeed at work. My personal goals are the ones complicated because this year I have to work toward improving various areas. It has been a little over two year since my husband sustained a TBI. I really need to listen more and not push him to hard. I am always full of life, wanting to do multiple things, go to many places and never rest. Well, that doesn't help my husband, because he needs to go slower. I noticed I did better in the past when the injury was recent, but now two and a half years later I am again like the old me and that is not working. I expressed my feelings in the past about how we caregivers change our mode of bei...

Last Friday we celebrated Veterans Day and soon we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. On Veterans Day I took Victor to dinner and we had a wonderful day. I thanked him for ALL he has done specially all his sacrifices. I feel Victor sacrificed his health for the Freedom of this Great Nation and I love when he tells me, he will do it all over again in a heart bit. Sometimes, things that we take for granted are taken from us. I am glad I never took my husband for granted because I always ppreciated all he was and now all he is. Veterans day for me it is everyday. The appreciation I have for all their sacrifice is always there. I am grateful for a Nation that values and recognizes their veterans. We, the spouses of military play a vital role in their performance and their well being. We, the spouses are what I call the backbone of the family, because we keep it all together while they are gone; so I am also thankful for all those military spouses that chose the sacrifice of living a life ...

Hi Friends, I apologize, it has been too long since I updated the blog. Many great things happening in our lives. In the past months Victor and I have been involved more than any other time with higher leadership in the military talking about our experiences as a wounded family. We were invited by the Vice Chief of Staff of the Army, GEN Chiarelli to speak at a symposium he and his staff coordinated. Who would have thought that Victor and I will have the opportunity to speak with the Vice? When we met GEN Chiarelli and having the opportunity to talk with him, I realized how much of an advocate for brain injuries he is. He is committed and changing the policy in the army in how TBIs are diagnosed and treated. GEN Chiarelli is definitely working hard on these initiatives and he definitely needs the support of policy makers and others in the military. Two years and 3 months ago when Victor was wounded I never thought our lives were going to change forever in this way. We have become a...

In the past couple of weeks I have been ask several times, How am I doing and how I keep up with so much? I honestly don't know how to answer that question but yes my life is pretty busy. I tried to maintain a good spirit, always a smile in my face and rather look for positive things in my life. It saddens me so much when I see spouses that are in the first stages of having a loved one with traumatic brain injury (TBI). I tried to support them and go back in time and place myself in their shoes but it is never easy to say "It will get better". "It will get better" is a phrase that Victor always told me and at times in a tone like he wanted to convinced me about it. At times I was so frustrated that I said to myself, "yes it will get better for him but what about me?" How did I find happiness in the midst of all the situation? Now 2 years later I look back and I can say things are definitely better. Today Victor and I have found new hobbies, we bond inc...