Wounded Families and Caregivers Conference
Today the USO sponsored the Wounded Families and Caregivers Conference. The activity was very well prepared and targeted to Wounded Warriors family members and providers. A panel of caregivers along with their Wounded loved ones were invited to help the audience understand the position of the caregivers.
We know is not an easy road and one that we never desired to go through. We laugh and then we cry and then we laugh again, it is simply the nature of loving somebody that is injured. Yes! as true as it is we should never focus in what we lost but what we have, not in the past but in how we will transformed our future, not who we were but who we will become. Talking with several the spouses I heard over and over that they were not the same, that they lost their identity and that they had to give up everything they aspired in life. I felt extremely bad because I never gave up my job or my school. Then I thought to myself what a bad caregiver I am, but that is also what I mentioned in the past, it is that guilt that my life is going on.
I think that it would be easier for me to give up everything but because I have not done that my husband has been forced to be more aware of his needs and how to cope with them. Don't get me wrong, I am there for him and help him very much but I also want him to gain independence and that is how we have been able to accomplish that. I do not want to stop being me but why do we have to become a different person? The circumstances just push us to that. Like the old operating systems in computers needs upgrades once in a while to be able to run all the new and more demanding capabilities in that computer, then lets start making an upgraded version of us. I am determined to continue to be Roxana but with each experience I do not want to loose myself but become the upgraded version. Of course I do not want this to be taken wrong and I truly admire all the caregivers but lets start thinking out of the box and try new strategies to be resilient during our circumstances.
I am starting to realized that we need so much healing in our caregivers community. I am blessed to have met so many amazing spouses that are selfless and just strong women, it just makes me so sad when I hear that they lost their identity. I just hope that one day the military will work with the Wounded Families in a way that we could thrive and share our amazing stories. Until then we can just hope and work hard to make it happen.
We know is not an easy road and one that we never desired to go through. We laugh and then we cry and then we laugh again, it is simply the nature of loving somebody that is injured. Yes! as true as it is we should never focus in what we lost but what we have, not in the past but in how we will transformed our future, not who we were but who we will become. Talking with several the spouses I heard over and over that they were not the same, that they lost their identity and that they had to give up everything they aspired in life. I felt extremely bad because I never gave up my job or my school. Then I thought to myself what a bad caregiver I am, but that is also what I mentioned in the past, it is that guilt that my life is going on.
I think that it would be easier for me to give up everything but because I have not done that my husband has been forced to be more aware of his needs and how to cope with them. Don't get me wrong, I am there for him and help him very much but I also want him to gain independence and that is how we have been able to accomplish that. I do not want to stop being me but why do we have to become a different person? The circumstances just push us to that. Like the old operating systems in computers needs upgrades once in a while to be able to run all the new and more demanding capabilities in that computer, then lets start making an upgraded version of us. I am determined to continue to be Roxana but with each experience I do not want to loose myself but become the upgraded version. Of course I do not want this to be taken wrong and I truly admire all the caregivers but lets start thinking out of the box and try new strategies to be resilient during our circumstances.
I am starting to realized that we need so much healing in our caregivers community. I am blessed to have met so many amazing spouses that are selfless and just strong women, it just makes me so sad when I hear that they lost their identity. I just hope that one day the military will work with the Wounded Families in a way that we could thrive and share our amazing stories. Until then we can just hope and work hard to make it happen.
Roxana,I have been preaching that for years. My husband at the time of my accident was a workahoic. So I needed to do all the house work, take care of all my ranch animals, plus help out in our flooring business. I always tell caregivers my story and that they need to let their loved one do things for themselves. You get so much pride by doing things yourself. It might be difficult at first and might be done in a different way then you would do it, but it can be done! I thank you for being that kind of caretaker because that gave us Victor. I wrote a thank you letter to my ex when I left
ReplyDeletehim. I could never have left, if he hadn't pushed me to live again. Be strong Roxana and Victor will be strong too.
Thanks Lee :) I sometimes feel guilty of being so independent and continue with my life but at the same time I want my husband to see that there are no limits to success. Now he has his blog and there are so many amazing things happening. He has been able to create a network of beautiful virtual friends and that at the same time you all are helping me so much. Your words of encouragement and support keeps my husband motivated so it takes some of the burden from my shoulders. But none of this would not have happened if it's not because my husband was able to be pushed to seek a new route to be resilient. He has a new mission that he fulfills with so much pride and passion. I felt at times so bad because I did not want him to think I do not love him but I wanted him to find his identity and his assets for himself and it paid off, I am glad. Thanks so much for making a difference in our lives, you are a great friend and I just hope one day we can meet you in person :) Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThose of us dealing with a devastating injury that causes a significant change in a Loved one have so many challenges. With respect to the special circumstances of military families of (Soldiers) suffering from the effects of blast related Traumatic Brain Injuries, there is also the increased stress of just ADVOCATING for the proper RECOGNITION of the injury with the Military. That coupled with advocating for care and treatment is extremely difficult. It has been very hard not to internalize the stress. The health impact it has had on the entire family was underrealized.
ReplyDeleteI am proud to be considered a Fierce Mother in participating and advocating for my son's health care with the Army. Im also learning how to "let it go". Its difficult to accept the fact that I essentially put the rest of my family "on the back burner", while focusing on my Son's situation and my feelings of powerlessness. Its only through Faith, knowing God is guiding me, and the ongoing networking and support of good friends like you Rox, that have made my coping ability possible. We will hang tough!
Thanks Rebecca, it is so true that advocating is one of the things that consumed te most, it is exhausting. That plus the things that comes with having a loved one with TBI is a devastating combination, but not everything is over. With you and others we prevailed and we will continue to advocate for what is right and for what our Soldiers earned through sacrificing and paying with their health so we could enjoy our FREEDOM. Also my husband and I recognized the difficulties in treatment for civilians so we will advocate for them too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rebecca :)