Spinning in Circles

I received a message from a dear friend that made me cried, not only because I could relate to her but because I felt there is nothing I could do to be there for her. This strong, beautiful woman is one of a kind. We were together serving in the Family Readiness Group and she was always ready to help and was instrumental in fulfilling the mission with families in deployment times. She had a sense of carism and she was vibrant, funny and overall fun to be around. Unfortunately her husband was medically discharge from the Army and the family they new has become distant. Yes, in the military we are a family and when we don't have that we feel we lost something precious.

I will never forget one specific statement my friend wrote and that I keep hearing from spouses of wounded soldiers, "I feel like we are stuck spinning in the same circles". They feel they were left behind and I can share that same sentiment but then she said "I just wish I could waive a white flag and "we" would be rescued instead of me trying to rescue the both of us". Even if my husband and I made of all our situation a positive experience, at first we missed our life and we just learned how to live the new one. There are no words I can say that can change other's life, I wish I could just send an e-mail or fix things from the distance but it is impossible.

As I mentioned in other postings, sorrow and loneliness are one of the first things that I felt when I started walking this new journey. Spinning in circles? How could that be avoided? One thing that came to my mind is when the car is spinning I learned that you have to let go the steering wheel so the car can stop, the more you try to control it, the more will spin and can even rollover. Very similar is our lives, the more we try to control the more susceptible we are to a rollover, because there are things that we simply cannot control. So I am still here thinking what can I do to help others and make it better and the only thing that comes to my mind is to keep creating awareness of how we caregivers feel and continue the efforts to improve our quality of life.

One of the greatest blessings in my life is my spirituality. My relationship with God has never been affected no matter my circumstances. I never ask Why but "For what? What is the purpose? What can I make out of this?" and I think that is what gives me energy to let it go and start living with meaning. Whatever is your situation, just stop and make a plan. It is not an easy task and most of the time will require a counselor or pastor/spiritual leader help you identify the path.

This posting is dedicated to a strong, beautiful woman, one that I met in 2006 and shared a lot of what it is like to be a proud army wife. She is a sunshine, she is strong and I know one day we will see each other and laugh and say "And we thought deployments were difficult". I know she will read this post and it is my hope she gets the message of how much I admire her, how much I believe that she can get throught it and that she forever will be a Strong Army Wife.


This blog is also part of www.tbiwarrior.com. Thanks for your visit!


  1. Thank you. The analogy of the car spinning makes total sense. Perhaps I need to let go of MY fear of letting go... of the wheel. I feel blessed to call you my friend. Thank you.

  2. wow you are such a great mentor( is that the word?) for all caregivers! Thank you Roxana, Victor is so lucky to have you! and as a survivor, I love reading about how you deal with life.

  3. I love the example of the spinning car! A brain injury can certainly send life into a spin as can many other life events.

    Over three years after my brain injury., I do feel the spinning has stopped. It has been a painstakingly slow process of learning to let go of what used to be a death grip on the wheel. I am now back n the road and pointed in the right direction. Starting to inch forward.

    Know that you and Victor will too. It will never be the same as before. You will continue to learn to live and thrive in this new life. you will move forward....together!

  4. Thank you so much for sharing! It is a new life, and we've spent two years "spinning in circles" waiting for the ride to stop so we can move on with our life, whatever that looks like. Thanks to you, and your husband, raising awareness and making the resources that are available known to others going through the same thing, we are getting off this ride very soon I hope.


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